Healing Process

Healing after trauma is a bumpy road. One day you might feel good, and the other day you might feel down. These waves of emotions are a part of the healing process. The situation you lived through did not ruin who you were or are; it is simply because your brain is trying to protect you from its lingering effects. The healing process involves breaking down these reactions and regaining control.

Now, we'll see the core steps of the healing process and why it works that way.

Trauma does not break you, put dirt on you, or permanently damage you. Your brain triggers certain reactions to protect you, and, as we mentioned in the previous notebook, the healing process happens as these emotions break down day by day, enabling you to regain control.

(If you want to research more about it, we have put a post-it with the sources we used.)

1. Rebuilding the Sense of Security

After trauma, the body and the brain work with the message that "I am not safe".
The first step of healing is for someone to feel safe again.

Herman's explanation of healing includes:

The first step to healing is to ensure that you are safe.

Safety consists of three steps. Now, we will break them down.

a) Physical safety

Are you not in danger anymore?
Is the harasser still in your life?
Do you feel safe in your house, school, or workplace?

b) Emotional safety

Whom do you feel safe talking to?
Who makes you feel guilty, silences or manipulates you?
Do you have anyone that you feel like "Okay, this person listens to me and cares for me"?

c) Mental safety

This is the step where you start to trust your own body, mind, and senses again.
This is the hardest yet the most important step in your journey.

2. Naming What Happened

Trauma makes a lot of people think that:
“Was this an assault?”
“Did I misunderstand the situation?”
“Am I overreacting?”

This is why naming the truth is the first step of healing.

Judith Herman says:

"When the truth is recognized, survivors can begin healing."

You knowing these helps a lot when you are healing:

1) types of harassment

2) consent and what doesn't count as consent

3) power imbalance

4) grooming

Because when you address uncertainty, your brain properly processes what is a threat or not.

Explanations for all of these are available on this website for you! :)

3. Figuring Out Shame, Guilt, and Confusion

The strongest emotions that arise with trauma are shame and guilt.
But these are not the truth of what happened, but the false connections because of lingering trauma.

Herman states this about feeling shame; Shame is the most destructive legacy of trauma, but it is not at all the victim's fault.

The truth you have to know is:

Freezing is not your fault but a reflex.
Not being able to say no at that moment is your brain's survival strategy.
You blame yourself because your brain is terrified of losing control.
Shame is deep down the result of the victim taking the blame for the harasser.

These are extremely important for you to know to heal.

4. Reconnecting with Your Body

Trauma affects your body as much as it does your mind.

Bessel van der Kolk (Boston-based Dutch-American psychiatrist, author, researcher and educator. Since the 1970s his research has been in the area of post-traumatic stress) expresses this as trauma is happens in the body as the body remembers what happened.

This is why a lot of people experience:

stomach cramps
feeling a knot in the throat
contractions
numbness in the limbs
disassociation

You can do these steps to reconnect with your body:

breathing exercises
light exercises (such as yoga, walking)
safe physical connection with someone you trust (hugs, holding hands)
journaling
knowing the importance of the relationship between the body and the feelings

When your body starts to relax, your mind starts to silence the alarms of danger.

5. Regaining Boundaries and Sense of Control

Trauma can make a person feel weak.
The healing process is regaining the sense of authority and control.

Herman says when the victim regains a sense of control, the healing process significantly shows progress.

This step includes these:

Being able to say "No"
Knowing what triggers you
Creating safe spaces for yourself
Knowing what you expect of others in relationships
Setting clear communication boundaries

Don't worry, because these abilities get better over time; everyone has their own pace.

This is why you should never compare yourself with others.

6. Reshaping Your Identity and Relationships

With trauma, one can question oneself about multiple things:

self-confidence
relationships
values
sense of identity

But these are not the signs of a corrupted identity; they are just a permanent adaptation tactic for the brain to fight trauma back

According to Herman, trauma does not erase your identity, but just breaks it.

In this stage, one can ask:
“Who do I want to be?”
“In which relationships do I feel okay?”
“What do I believe in?”

Trauma does not define who you are. You are not what you have gone through.

7. Moving Forward and Gaining Back Hope

The last step to healing is for a person to realize that trauma does not define them.

Bessel van der Kolk basically explains it in this way: Trauma might affect life, but it doesn't have to define the person who has it.

Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting it all;
But creating a new page in life where you regain control.

What you have gone through doesn't stain you.
Does not break you.
Does not take your personality away.
And most importantly, you can start a new page.

So, please don't ever forget this: Healing is possible, and you can absolutely do it.

Whether it is quick or not, everything will eventually be better. Please don't ever lose your hope.

Judith L. Herman – Trauma and Recovery (1992)
Bessel van der Kolk – The Body Keeps the Score (2014)
Peter Levine – Waking the Tiger (1997)
American Psychological Association (APA) – Trauma Resources
NICABM – Trauma Education